Growing Up Too Fast Or Too Slow?
By David A. Crenshaw, Ph.D.
Olga Silverstein, now retired, but a wise and highly acclaimed family therapist at the Ackerman Institute for the Family in New York, stated in a presentation many years ago that it can be hard to grow up in caretaking families. The implicit message is “Don’t grow up too soon!” This is even more of an issue for the youngest child growing up in “caretaking” families. Caretaking families tend to give, often out of awareness, the message to the child, “You are not capable, not ready to take on a more grown-up role in the world.” These children may be unduly fearful because they have read these messages to indicate the world is a dangerous place and you are only safe close to home under the protective wing of the family.
In some families the children may receive mixed and conflicting messages. In these families conflicting value systems are emphasized. The father may value independence and the mother loves babies. How does a child reconcile these conflicting messages and the implicit loyalty choices? Do you grow up by expressing the conflict by acting like a baby on frequent occasions?

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