Daniels Fund grants $8.5MThe Daniels Fund announced $8.5 million in fourth-quarter charitable grants Thursday, including $3.3 million to Denver-area nonprofits and agencies. Dow falls 443 pointsWall Street fell again Thursday, with the major stock market indices declining by at least 5 percent of their value. Best Places to Work winners namedThe Denver Business Journal recognized the human resource efforts of 30 Denver-area companies Thursday at a breakfast at the downtown Denver Marriott Hotel in the newspaper’s sixth annual Best Places to Work competition. Economic storefront launchedThe Del Norte Neighborhood Development Corp. and the National Council of La Raza have launched Mas a Ti, a storefront economic mobility center for low- and moderate-income families, the groups announced Thursday. John Malone buys 1 million sharesLiberty Media Corp. board chairman John Malone bought 1 million shares of stock in his company’s online commerce division in recent days, spending $2.9 million for the shares in two purchases, according to regulatory filings. (LINTA) Economist: Colorado to perform better than U.S.Colorado likely will continue to outperform the national average, as the U.S. economy slogs through what is probably already a recession, a leading economist told a Denver audience at Keybank’s 2009 economic forecast presentation on Thursday morning. Experts see upside to down economyThe chief investment officer of UMB Financial Corp’s Asset Management division said Thursday that positive side effects will emerge from an economic slowdown that he characterized as a “recession.” Zynex sees rise in revenueZynex Inc. reported a revenue jump of 66 percent but lower net income the third quarter, as well as a settlement of a claim by Anthem BlueCross BlueShield, on Thursday. Renewable Choice teams with Best BuyA Boulder company selling credits for renewable energy said Wednesday it is teaming with Best Buy to offer cell phone users the chance to support wind power through a “Green Your Phone” product line. Caddo Design gets Solera financingNative American-owned Caddo Design Inc. of Denver will get a major financing package from Solera National Bank, the companies said Wednesday.
simply by staying consistent with your own guidelines.
Before you start the negotiation, quietly reflect on thefollowing questions:
What do I want? Why do I want it and why is it important?
How important is this to me?
To get what I want, what will I need to do and what will mypartner need to do?
If I get most of what I want what is the positive and negativeeffect on my partner?
How can I make it easier for my partner to say yes?
However, it may be difficult for my partner to give me most ofwhat I want because_________________________________________________________________. I may be able to increase the benefits to my partner by_________________________. I may be able to decrease thedownside to my partner by ______________________. Add otherrelevant information that has not been suggested here.
You don't need to answer every question and complete everystatement sequentially in a dialogue with your partner. But asyou get mentally clear about these issues it will make it easierto conversationally express your concerns and desires.
Start By Stating the Area of Disagreement
It is important to describe the issue as disagreement instead ofas a problem. It is very difficult to say "The problem is___________" without blaming your partner or yourself. Thisactual or implied blame leads to a defensive reaction from oneor both parties. The negotiation then begins to slip like ahouse built on loose gravel.
State the disagreement in the form, "We seem to disagree about_______________." Then take turns expressing what your concernsand desires are about the disagreement.
Describe Concerns About the Subject
One person goes first and expresses all their concerns while theother listens without rebutting or defending anything. Theresponse is simply to recap and check for understanding. It mayalso be necessary to ask questions for clarity.
Avoid leading questions that sound like Perry Mason, "Did itever occur to you that...?"
Brainstorm Solutions
After each person has expressed all their concerns and desires,and each of you feels understood, then it is time forbrainstorming solutions. Think of several possible solutions.
One partner proposes a solution
Make the suggested proposal in the following format:
Honey, what I suggest is_______________________________________________.
This suggestion works for me because____________________________________.
This suggestion might work for you because_______________________________.
The Rationale For This "Formula"
It encourages being a good self advocate. Simultaneously itforces you to consider your partner's perspective and helpsprevent the possibility of only stubbornly pushing your owndesires.
The Other Partner Responds
If the partner agrees with the whole suggestion, then recap whyit works. If the partner does not agree then start withrecapping the part that does work. The part that does work is________________________________.
The part that doesn't work is ______________________________.
So my alternative suggestion is ____________________________.
This suggestion works for me because _______________________.
And it might work for you because __________________________.
Add value to your offers. Keep finding ways to make it easierfor your partner to say yes.
Remember - this negotiation is only an experiment. Nobody islocked into a permanent solution. It is only for a period oftime to see what if anything needs adjusting.
Repeat suggestions until agreement is reached.
Take Action
If action is appropriate, decide who will do what by when.
Decide for how long you will try this solution.
Evaluation
After the action phase come back and evaluate the results.
If things are fine, continue for another block of time.
Round Two, Three, Etc.
If it didn't work out as well as hoped, each person begins bysaying, "Honey, it didn't work the way I hoped, but here is whatI could have done differently." Don't start by stating what yourpartner should have done differently.
Then repeat appropriate steps above.
Don't be discouraged if your first attempts at this newnegotiation strategy are awkward. This is challenging territoryfor most couples. Keep trying, and you'll improve. If you'd likemore help on the subject, consider attending the weekendcouples' workshop "Coming from your Heart" to learn thisapproach along with a lot of other practical, innovativematerial for couples. It's definitely easier to learn when yousee demonstrations and role-plays. You'd even get to practicewith a therapist helping you stay on track.
Good luck, and may all your disagreements lead you to morelively collaboration.
About the author:Peter Pearson, Ph.D., and his wife Dr. Ellyn Bader, are foundersof The Couples Institute in Menlo Park, CA. Authors, speakers,and therapists, they have been featured on over 50 radio and TVprograms including "The Today Show" and "CBS Early MorningNews." For information on workshops, visit TheCouples Institute.
