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5 Things Divorcing Parents Should Know
By Belinda Rachman, Esq.
When you had your child or children your life changed from being focused on yourself to suddenly having to consider how all your life choices would impact the kids. That is the way it should be. What is in the child's best interest should always be a parent's top priority especially when considering divorce. The first thing you should know is our adversarial legal system is not child focused or family friendly. The emotional and financial price you pay when you each hire separate divorce lawyers is higher than you can now imagine.
I was a special education teacher for years prior to becoming an attorney. My Masters is in Special Education, focusing on teaching severely emotionally disturbed children, so I came to the law with a powerful bias to act only in the best interest of the children. The 2nd important fact to know is how comfortable so many divorce lawyers are in spending their client's college fund instead of quickly and economically helping the couple to negotiate a fair deal. After 8 years of litigation and witnessing the total financial and emotional devastation of too many families I vowed to no longer take adversarial divorces and to do only divorce mediation. In the following 3 years, after working with over 150 couples with 100% success rate, I am convinced that divorce should be the solution of first resort for 85% of the couples who are contemplating divorce. So the 3rd thing you need to know is there is an alternative to divorce court, mediation.
There is comfort in knowing what to expect when you already have answers to your basic questions. In the 8 community property states (Arizona, California, Idaho, Louisiana, Nevada, New Mexico, Texas, Washington and Wisconsin) property division is pretty clear. What ever was totally owned prior to marriage or received by gift or inheritance is separate property that goes to the spouse who owns it. If it was partially paid for using wages or income earned during the marriage, the "community" gains an interest in
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Opening-day speech by Senate GOP leader Penry<em>Here is the text of the opening-day speech by Josh Penry, R-Grand Junction, Republican leader of the Colorado Senate, as prepared for delivery Wednesday.</em> Opening-day speech by Senate President Groff<em>Here is the text of the opening-day speech by Peter Groff, D-Denver, president of the Colorado Senate, as prepared for delivery Wednesday.</em> Opening-day speech by House GOP leader MayTimes are tough in Colorado and the state will need to “tighten its belt a notch or two to adjust,” Mike May, GOP leader of the state House of Representatives, told lawmakers Wednesday on the opening day of their 2008 session. Opening-day speech by House Speaker CarrollWhile Colorado has fared better than other states during the economic crisis, lawmakers can’t take the state’s fortunes for granted, Rep. Terrance Carroll said Wednesday in his first address as the new speaker of the state's House of Representatives. Legislature opens with jobs, education on the agendaColorado’s 67th General Assembly officially opened for business Wednesday, with lawmakers promising to make jobs, support for struggling families and the state’s public-education system their top priorities. Denver-area home sales up a bit, but prices dropDenver-area home sales were up slightly in December from a year earlier and there were fewer unsold homes on the market, but sales prices declined, a real estate analyst reported Wednesday. Visit Denver to recognize DNC, other 'tourism stars'The Democratic National Convention in Denver is one of five 2008 “tourism star” events that Visit Denver will recognize at its annual “Tourism Hall of Fame Dinner” fundraiser on March 5. Frontier’s 2008 passenger count up 2% despite year-end declineFrontier Airlines says its passenger numbers in 2008 were up 2 percent from 2007, despite a dropoff late in the year. Colo. securities commissioner sues money-market fundColorado’s securities commissioner is suing a New York money-market fund that has refused to refund $525 million to Colorado local governments that invested in it, officials said Tuesday. CEO of Business Journal’s parent honored by journalistsRay Shaw — the president, chairman and CEO of Denver Business Journal parent American City Business Journals — has been named the recipient of the 2009 Distinguished Achievement Award, to be presented in Denver during an annual conference of the Society of American Business Editors and Writers (SABEW).
it that can be calculated. Division of property in community property states is one of the easiest issues to deal with because it is so clear cut. So what happens in the other 42 states? These states use an equitable distribution system to divide marital property. Each state has its own rules that can be ascertained prior to starting the divorce process. So there is some uncertainty in non community property states but an experienced lawyer/mediator generally knows what the court will do in most situations and can be a valuable guide to couples who are unfamiliar with the laws. The 4th thing to keep in mind is that there is no point in fighting over property division. You can protect your co-parenting relationship and end up with more property if you divide everything the way a neutral 3rd party (mediator) suggests. In litigated divorce cases, child custody and visitation issues can be the most contentious and emotional. If the parents can agree to a custody arrangement, which they eventually do in 90% of custody cases, they can avoid court altogether. If a couple can just agree on custody and visitation issues, why would they set a case for trail and go through a nasty litigated case? Only 10% of custody cases are litigated. A couple could always seek the services of a child therapist to advise them instead of going to court. The courts typically apply a "best interest of the child" standard in determining who should get primary custody. Wouldn't the parents themselves be in the best position to decide how their children should be raised? allows the couple to remain in charge of their lives instead of being told what to do by lawyers and judges. When the couple has an intention to effectively co-parent by always keeping the best interest of the child foremost in their mind, they will produce a much more satisfying outcome than if a solution is imposed upon them from above. Child custody issues are the most inappropriate issues to be decided within an adversarial system. The win/lose game that is played in court always results in tension between the parents. Not only will this tension negatively affect the health and happiness of the parents but the children will be caught in the middle of a battle, ducking verbal and emotional bullets as they fly over their heads. The adversarial system does not protect the co-parenting relationship of parents and should be avoided if at all possible. An emotionally vulnerable client in the hands of a "zealous advocate" who is more concerned with enriching themselves than in helping their client is a dangerous combination. The last thing to keep in mind is that avoiding divorce attorneys and court should be the #1 priority if you want to protect your health, spirit, co-parenting relationship and pocketbook. Article Directory: http://www.articlecube.com Ms. Rachman has been a family law attorney since 1996 and became so disheartened by our adversarial legal system she walked away from a successful law practice and now only works with couples doing mediation. For more information on how works and what kind of couples do best in listen to an audio on the differences between litigation and at www.divorce-inaday.com
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Opening-day speech by Senate GOP leader Penry
<em>Here is the text of the opening-day speech by Josh Penry, R-Grand Junction, Republican leader of the Colorado Senate, as prepared for delivery Wednesday.</em>
Opening-day speech by Senate President Groff
<em>Here is the text of the opening-day speech by Peter Groff, D-Denver, president of the Colorado Senate, as prepared for delivery Wednesday.</em>
Opening-day speech by House GOP leader May
Times are tough in Colorado and the state will need to “tighten its belt a notch or two to adjust,” Mike May, GOP leader of the state House of Representatives, told lawmakers Wednesday on the opening day of their 2008 session.
Opening-day speech by House Speaker Carroll
While Colorado has fared better than other states during the economic crisis, lawmakers can’t take the state’s fortunes for granted, Rep. Terrance Carroll said Wednesday in his first address as the new speaker of the state's House of Representatives.
Legislature opens with jobs, education on the agenda
Colorado’s 67th General Assembly officially opened for business Wednesday, with lawmakers promising to make jobs, support for struggling families and the state’s public-education system their top priorities.
Denver-area home sales up a bit, but prices drop
Denver-area home sales were up slightly in December from a year earlier and there were fewer unsold homes on the market, but sales prices declined, a real estate analyst reported Wednesday.
Visit Denver to recognize DNC, other 'tourism stars'
The Democratic National Convention in Denver is one of five 2008 “tourism star” events that Visit Denver will recognize at its annual “Tourism Hall of Fame Dinner” fundraiser on March 5.
Frontier’s 2008 passenger count up 2% despite year-end decline
Frontier Airlines says its passenger numbers in 2008 were up 2 percent from 2007, despite a dropoff late in the year.
Colo. securities commissioner sues money-market fund
Colorado’s securities commissioner is suing a New York money-market fund that has refused to refund $525 million to Colorado local governments that invested in it, officials said Tuesday.
CEO of Business Journal’s parent honored by journalists
Ray Shaw — the president, chairman and CEO of Denver Business Journal parent American City Business Journals — has been named the recipient of the 2009 Distinguished Achievement Award, to be presented in Denver during an annual conference of the Society of American Business Editors and Writers (SABEW).
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