it that can be calculated. Division of property in community property states is one of the easiest issues to deal with because it is so clear cut. So what happens in the other 42 states? These states use an equitable distribution system to divide marital property. Each state has its own rules that can be ascertained prior to starting the divorce process. So there is some uncertainty in non community property states but an experienced lawyer/mediator generally knows what the court will do in most situations and can be a valuable guide to couples who are unfamiliar with the laws. The 4th thing to keep in mind is that there is no point in fighting over property division. You can protect your co-parenting relationship and end up with more property if you divide everything the way a neutral 3rd party (mediator) suggests.

In litigated divorce cases, child custody and visitation issues can be the most contentious and emotional. If the parents can agree to a custody arrangement, which they eventually do in 90% of custody cases, they can avoid court altogether. If a couple can just agree on custody and visitation issues, why would they set a case for trail and go through a nasty litigated case? Only 10% of custody cases are litigated. A couple could always seek the services of a child therapist to advise them instead of going to court. The courts typically apply a "best interest of the child" standard in determining who should get primary custody. Wouldn't the parents themselves be in the best position to decide how their children should be raised? allows the couple to remain in charge of their lives instead of being told what to do by lawyers and judges. When the couple has an intention to effectively co-parent by always keeping the best interest of the child foremost in their mind, they will produce a much more satisfying outcome than if a solution is imposed upon them from above. Child custody issues are the most inappropriate issues to be decided within an adversarial system. The win/lose game that is played in court always results in tension between the parents. Not only will this tension negatively affect the health and happiness of the parents but the children will be caught in the middle of a battle, ducking verbal and emotional bullets as they fly over their heads. The adversarial system does not protect the co-parenting relationship of parents and should be avoided if at all possible. An emotionally vulnerable client in the hands of a "zealous advocate" who is more concerned with enriching themselves than in helping their client is a dangerous combination. The last thing to keep in mind is that avoiding divorce attorneys and court should be the #1 priority if you want to protect your health, spirit, co-parenting relationship and pocketbook.

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Ms. Rachman has been a family law attorney since 1996 and became so disheartened by our adversarial legal system she walked away from a successful law practice and now only works with couples doing mediation. For more information on how works and what kind of couples do best in listen to an audio on the differences between litigation and at www.divorce-inaday.com

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