Statements like "you always" or "you never" are absolutes that hinder communication. An active listener will sense these right away and counter with a statement such as, "I hear you saying I always do such and so, but actually I..." The same is true of statements that indicate right/wrong or bad/good. This is not to say there aren't circumstances that are right or wrong, bad or good, but in a dispute most right/wrong or bad/ good situations are merely exaggerations and the truth is somewhere in between. All-encompassing simplifications polarize a conflict. The focus then is not on cracking the difficulty at hand, but instead the focus is on each party effectively defining her personal position.

4. Convey "I feel" messages instead of "you" messages. For illustration, when you say, "You don't know what you're talking about," you are sending a "you" message. An "I" message would be, "I don't understand what you're discussing." The "you" message lays culpability on the speaker. The "I" message clarifies your apprehension. The same is true with your teen. An "I" message would be, "I worry about you when you aren't home by your curfew," or "When you come beyond your curfew, I feel like you are intentionally flouting me." The "I" message tells the other person how you feel about a position. The "I" message is concerned with the issue. The "you" message harass the person.

5. Activate your brain and defer your emotions. This is perhaps the most trying of the five techniques since verbal discord by nature is emotional. The eventual goal is to transform the verbal conflict into a dialogue. Verbal rows are counterproductive in conducting business and certainly don't cultivate a harmonious home life. Instead of letting your emotions take over, ask yourself, "How can I help solve this problem? What resolution is paramount for both of us? What can we modify? You need to rein in your emotions for the sake of the issue. Listen energetically and nonjudgmentally.

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Joseph Plazo is a renowned success coach. He conducts dating workshops to help men attract women... 24/7!

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